WHY I HATE GUARDS

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always had an issue with guards. It’s probably because I have an issue with everything, but I beg to disagree. I DON’T have an issue with anything at all. Everyone has an issue with me. (Har har)

Please feel free to add your grudge to this list

1. They do not treat everyone equally.
In our office, everyone wears a uniform – save for the managers. I guess that made the lives of said guards easier since they only have to look at what people are wearing to identify whether the person should be respected or not.

One time, an officemate requested a guard to help him hail a cab. The guard said, “Dun ka na lang maghintay sa harap.” My friend was humiliated and furious but he didn’t show it in front of us because we were with his girlfriend. PERO kapag managers na ang kumausap sa kanila, mabilis pa sa alas kwatro.

2. They hate my hair.
I’ve kept a short and well-trimmed do for years – and it doesn’t mean it looked good. Let’s just say that I lived a relatively saintly childhood and pubescent years, meaning to say that if they declare I need to crop my hair, I always indulge them. Barber’s cut, 3x4, Oasis, tell ‘em all, I’ve probably had it.

But right after college, I realized that I look a bit Korean if I kept it long (or so they say). And that through it, I get compliments from the right people (i.e. flings). So, I decided to maintain my long do. This by the way gets me in trouble with those bastard, bald-headed, vile creatures.

3. Their eyes are just for me.
Yes, that’s true and it’s not a good thing. Everything I do is magnified a hundred fold. I think they hate my guts and my disrespect for the self-righteous. But damn, I didn’t study in UP for nothing. If they want war, well I’ll not be wearing my red stilettos at the office, but expect me to do something equally bad. Like hitting on their gay son.