You and I

YOU AND I
Eddie Rabbitt and Crystal Gayle

 
Just you and I
Sharing our love together
And I know in time
We'll build the dreams we treasure
And we'll be all right, just you and I
Just you and I
Sharing our love together
And I know in time
We'll build the dreams we treasure
We'll be all right, just you and I

And I remember our first embrace
That smile that was on your face
The promises that we made
And now, your love is my reward
And I love you even more
Than I ever did before

Just you and I
We care and trust each other
With you in my life
They'll never be another
We'll be all right, just you and I

And I remember our first embrace
That smile that was on your face
The promises that we made
And now, your love is my reward
And I love you even more
Than I ever did before

We made it, you and I

Sadness is a passive emotion

Sadness is a passive emotion. It comes out of nowhere and slithers through your system on a fine December day, piercing and abrupt. It covers you like a blanket until it’s too late to escape its grasp. You will try to resist, find a distraction to consume your thoughts. However, your efforts will all be in vain. Everything you do, watching TV, filing office documents, taking a morning bath, will be tainted with a grim poison and you can’t do anything but to give in to it. Falling in the trap of sadness is such an easy task.

On the other hand, happiness is a conscious effort, a deliberate attempt. One cannot be happy and not know it, or will for it to happen. It is not served in a platter. It is yearned for, worked hard for, prayed for, waited for, and thanked hard for.


Tonight, sadness is a foreign concept. I will be happy because I found happiness in you.


I love you, Dad.

You are the reason why...

You are the reason why...





THE REASON WHY
John Farnham

What did I do

Before the day I set my eyes on you?

Spending my time

Just working at the things I had to do

And then I saw your face

I was captured heart and soul

You gave me so much more

You're the reason why

I listen in the night

And steal the softest kisses

While you sleep

You're the reason why

Tears will fill my eyes

Just looking at a photograph

Of you

Touching my frown

Tell me what you read between the lines

Every thing's alright

I know sometimes I act a little strange

You bring me so much joy

Conversations make me smile

How could I love you more?

You're the reason why

I speak with foolish pride

Whenever there's a chance

To show you 'round

And you're the reason why

I lost this heart of mine

At the very moment

You arrived

And I can't believe this life

Was ever lonely

No, I can't imagine life

Before you

You're the reason why

I'm holding on so tight

I never want to let

This feeling go

And you're the reason why

My love will never die

My heart just could not sing

If not for you

What did I do

Before the day I set my eyes on you?

You won’t find Love in Malate

You won’t find Love in Malate, or in any place that reeks of sex, booze, and dark spot concealers. He won’t be leaning against the wall in his usual nonchalant self, looking at you with warmth and yearning. He won’t give you scotch on the rocks and won’t utter the wittiest of pickup lines. He’s not gonna be there to take your hand and whisk you away from the dance floor. He won’t give you the most consuming of caresses. He won’t have his car to take you to his pad.

He does not exist here.

Alas, as the wizened and wise would put it, you will find Love when you least expect it. When you’re not looking, not aware, not guarded. You will find him on a bus ride to Philcoa on a rainy Friday night. He’ll be that friend you’ve known since God-knows-when. He’s the guy that makes your morning coffee a celebration. You may even have just read his life online and be fascinated by it.

You will question his validity thinking that he could be just another one of your fruitless conquests, someone you can spend your excess while with. However, little by little, you will realize that the pieces fit together as if on a puzzle. A common interest, a common friend, a common habit, a common principle in life.


You found him.


And after finding him, for sure you will, thank the Universe for making a conspiracy of epic proportions. Love him more than he’ll ever know.

Thank you Daddy :)

Love you! Matulog ka maaga today. Baka umatake na naman migraine mo...


I'll hug Teddy for tonight. Maha-hug mo din sya this November.


And thank you for this. Mwah!

Happy Second Monthsary!

Dad, eto yung sinasabi kong nakakamatay sa cute. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! :))

Happy 2nd (sa 30)! I love you!

Dad, dahil hindi ko mailagay sa FB, dito na lang :)

Dad, dahil hindi ko mailagay sa FB, dito na lang :)




If u have a wonderful husband, fiance, or boyfriend who works hard to take care of you and would do anything for you, then repost this as your status to give the honest good men out there the recognition that they deserve. Because great men are few and far in between.

Ilang araw na lang :)

Ilang araw na lang :)

Bathroom Session 8 - More Than You'll Ever Know

More Than You'll Ever Know


Take my hand
We'll walk awhile, we'll talk awhile
Feel my love
Always there beside you
Be the one
I know you'll tell me everything
You are the one
I cherish more than anything
I love you more than you'll ever know
I love you more than you'll ever see
More than my heart could ever show
I love you more than you'll ever know

THREE NEW THINGS

It’s been two busy weeks since I’ve last posted anything in my blog. I didn’t really notice it until I opened my blog a few minutes ago. I’m really surprised some people still view my blog even without new posts.

It’s rainy today but I ain’t complaining. The weather only makes it better for things get written down onto paper, er, web space.  Just three important updates for today.

1.     I HAVE A NEW BOSS.

So far, she has surpassed my expectations. She is cheerful, a trait that should be innate for professionals who handle internal company events and publications. One cannot be glum when talking to co-employees about their “inputs.” Their comments or ideas might be stupid or not feasible, or even sometimes hurtful, but it doesn’t mean one has the right to immediately dismiss their thoughts. One has to learn to take it in a stride and just move along. My boss got that one right up. Plus, we came from the same university. We don’t need to guess how the other one would think, react, and respond. I have my fingers crossed that I’ll learn a thing or two from her.

2.     I BOUGHT A NOTEBOOK.

And I’m actually using it right now. Hahaha! I was supposed to buy the MSI notebook with an i5 processor (I forgot the freakin’ model) but it was too heavy for something that will be lugged around from Cavite to Makati, and back, every day. Plus, it doesn’t do much in the looks department. So when I saw the new Sony Vaio Y Series, I knew I found THE ONE. The specs are really decent, except for the annoying Windows  7 Starter OS. In any case, my IT friend can deal with it perfectly well. Hahaha! Btw, I named my new baby Aziraphale – Azi for short.

3.     I NOW HAVE A PARTNER.

YES, Virginia. I have fallen in love again and I am with high hopes that he is THE ONE. Dad, I know you’ll read this and will probably leave a comment. I want you to know that even if seas, mountains, and valleys separate us now, I am sure that we’ll have our time together. In one place. In God’s time. I love you, dad! J

LSS: Hummingbird Heartbeat - Katy Perry

I just love Katy Perry! :)

Bathroom Session 7 - Sana Ay Ikaw Na Nga

Dear _______,

I'm not at my best kasi inuubo at sinisipon ako. Hehehehehe.

I thought of you while I'm singing this :)

Lovelots,

Nox

Bathroom Session 6 - Ikaw ang Lahat sa Akin

I sang this song over the phone for a boy 5 days ago.

I look forward to singing songs for him every day.



Bathroom Session 1
Bathroom Session 2
Bathroom Session 3
Bathroom Session 4
Bathroom Session 5

Oh Sta. Mariah Carey, please help me!

Sobrang stressed ako sa work lately. Tumataba ako at nagkakafimflets sa mukha. Ayheyt it!




And this is all because of my new boss. That devil bitch incarnate.




In times like this, isa lang ang pwede mag-cheer up sa kin.




Ang All I Want for Christmas is You ni Ateng Mariah.




Pero pwede din namang ikaw. Depende sa'yo :)

Bathroom Session 5 - The man who can't be moved

Nix,

I just realized hindi pa rin ako nakaka-move on. In case magbago isip mo, asa Makati Avenue lang ako. Naghihintay. May dalang extra hot coffee. For you.

Nagmamahal pa rin,
Nox



Bathroom Session 1
Bathroom Session 2
Bathroom Session 3
Bathroom Session 4

Sharam dara, sham dara!

Oo, totoo ito mga ateng. Napapakanta na naman ako ng Kapag Tumibok ang Puso ni Donna Cruz habang naglalakad sa kahabaan ng Ayala. At ito ay dahil na naman kay Facebook.




Damn you, FB!




Heniway, ma-kwento ko lang kung pano ko nakita ang nakapukaw sa aking pusong kay linis, busilak, at dalisay. Habang ginagawa ko ang aking daily round of stalking sa FB – specifically sa account ni Carrie at The McVie (hihi!) – I saw one guy na may hawig kay Boy Hapon. Yun lang mas gwapo sya. At medyo familiar ang picture nya.




Isip, isip, isip.




Buntong hininga.




San ko nga ba nakita ang picture nya?

TING!

Aha! Sa blog ata! Well, it makes sense. Friends nya ay mga bloggers.




Kung totoo ang hula ko, sya yung nosebleed na blogger na minsan ay may pagka-maldito. Sikat syang blogger so wit sa pag-post ng picture nya. Hahahahahaha!




My love, I swear you will be mine. Mine, oh, mine. My precious. Choz!



At dahil dyan, gwapong blogger na magiging boypren ko anytime soon, this song is for you. Hihi!

Declaration of Romantic Intent Form

Oo, ikaw. Paki-fill out ang form and submit ASAP for my approval.

Choz!

Photo from Poi.

Ang Mga Lalaki sa Buhay ni Nox

Kahapon, habang pauwi ako galing work, bigla ako napaisip kung bakit laging short-lived ang mga relasyon ko. Ako ba talaga ang may problema? Ganito lang ba talaga pag PLU ka? Mali ba ang expectations namin sa isat-isa? Isa pa ba akong Nene para makipag-relasyon? In short, tinalo ko pa sa Socrates sa dami ng mga tanong ko.

At dahil dito, gumawa ako ng listahan ng mga *lalaking nagkaroon ng puwang sa aking puso (shet!). Hindi kasama ang mga flings, textmates, at one night stand – yung mga naging dahilan lang kung ano na ako ngayon. Kung ano na nga ba ako ngayon ay isang topic altogether.

So without further ado, eto sila:

Pangalan: R a.k.a Morrigan Aensland

Edad : 30 something

Tirahan: : somewhere in Malate

Commonalities : mahilig kami sa anime, arcade, at video games

Terms of Endearment: Wala

Story:
Nakilala ko si R sa Facebook. I know, kaderder lang. Pero kasi naman, nene pa ko nun. Malay ko bang jologs pala umaura sa Friendster. Pero in fairness to me, wala akong account sa PR, G4M, Grindr, at kung anek anek pa.

Sya ang unang date ko. At in fairness to me, Glorieta/Greenbelt nya ko nilibre. Bilang estudyante na nag-aaral sa Maynila at the tender age of 18 (at take note na tubong Cavite akey), gandang-ganda ako sa Makati. Kulang na lang halikan ko ang mga floor tiles ng Greenbelt.

At sa unang date namin, kung anu-anong binigay nya. Mga laruan. B-Daman figures, Dragon Ball collectible cards, puzzle toys, etc. etc. Dun kami nagkasundo. Isip bata kami. Plus, favorite character nya si Morrigan Aensland – one of my favorite characters ever

Hindi naging issue sa min ang edad nya dahil mukha lang kami magka-klase nung college.

Bakit Naghiwalay:

After a few times ng pagde-date, medyo nauta ako sa boses nya. Boses matandang babae kasi sya. Hindi ako naa-arouse kapag kausap ko sya sa cellphone. Hindi na lang ako nagparamdam.

Huling Balita:

Ang alam ko jowa pa rin nya yung Chinoy na ipinalit nya sa kin. Sabi nya pa nung huling nagkita kami, sobrang wapak daw ng nota ng jowa nya. Pinkish.

Song that first comes to mind:
Wala

Pangalan : D a.ka. Santino

Edad : 24

Tirahan: : Cavite

Commonalities : pareho kaming achiever sa school, at pareho kaming talande
Terms of Endearment: Wala dati. Pero ngayon Bes na

Story:

Nakilala ko sya through his friend na nanliligaw sa kin. Yes, may nanliligaw sa lola nyo kahit hindi sya kagandahan nung nene pa sya. Siguro kasi nadala ng aking wit and bubbly personality. Me ganun?! Anyway, hindi ko type ang friend nya at sya ang type ko pero it took us 2 years bago naging intimate ang relasyon namin. Hindi ko na maalala kung bakit. Basta biglaan na lang na tatawag sya sa telephone. Syempre hindi sanay sa bahay may tatawag sa kin araw-araw na lalaki kaya mejo ilang ako.

Bakit Naghiwalay:

Na-realize nya siguro na pangit ako (dati…hahaha!) at hindi nya ako maipakilala sa mga friends nya. Actually, there was a time na nasabi nyang nagustuhan nya ako dahil “hindi ako masyadong gwapo.” Naisip ko tuloy ngayon, what the fuck ah. Natiis ko yun dati? Besides, up to now, closeta pa rin si gaga sa mga close friends nya. Religious din sya kaya siguro nakokonsensya sya ng slight.

Huling Balita:
Friends kami ngayon. Actually, Bes ang tawagan namin. Minsan nga nagma-Malate pa kami with other friends.

Song that first comes to mind:
Boom-tarat-tarat. Lagi kasi Wowowee ang palabas sa TV kapag tumatawag sya sa bahay.

Pangalan : M a.k.a. Emo Boy
Edad : 27

Tirahan: : Bulacan

Commonalities : Wala. Common friend lang

Terms of Endearment: Hon

Story:

Ipinakilala si M ng aking friendship nung high school. Pinakita nya yung pic ni M sa cp nya tapos na lust at first sight akey. Sobrang macho kasi ng dating ng lolo nyo. Tapos balbas sarado. Tapos skinhead pa dati. Kaya add ko agad sya sa Friendster (korek, uso pa Friendster nun).

Sobrang bait nito ni M kaya sya talaga ang first love ko. Tumagal kami ng 6 months, so far ang pinakamatagal ko. From Accenture Pioneer, pumupunta sya ng SM Makati para makipagkita. Tapos pupunta kami Greenbelt to have dinner or coffee. Ganung drama.

Bakit Naghiwalay:
Obviously, North to South ang drama namin ni Emo Boy pero we always find time na magkita once a week. Pero nung naging issue sa min ang time na nagsasama kami ng bestfriend ko na girl every weekend, mejo unti-unti nawala feelings ko sa kanya. Opo, patawad na po, mababaw na dahilan yun. Nene pa po ako eh. Isa pa yung pagiging emo nya at times. Nakakahawa kasi.

On the day of our sixth monthsary, nakipaghiwalay sya sa kin. Hindi ko naman sya pinigilan. A few months after naming maghiwalay, akala pala ni M pipigilan ko ang break up. Kaso at that time kasi nasasakal na ko. Pero when I look back and reminisce, sya talaga ang pinaka-wapak sa mga naging lalaki sa buhay ko. Tanga lang talaga ako.

Huling Balita:
May jowa na sya ngayon pero alam ko bitter pa din sya sa kin. Mahirap lang talaga kalimutan ang lola nyo. Hahahahaha! Pero seriously, gusto ko mag-move on na sya at maging happy na. A person as good as him deserves nothing less.

Song that first comes to mind:
You and I Both – Jason Mraz

Pangalan : Y a.k.a Boy Hapon

Edad : 19

Tirahan: : Cavite

Commonalities : taste in music, love for family

Terms of Endearment : Mahal

Story:

Nakilala ko naman sya sa FB (hindi na talaga ako nadala, pramis). Nakita ko kasi primary pic nya. Sabi ko, yum yum. Hahahaha! Tapos may skinhead pic pa sya. Ok, may fetish pala ako sa mga semi-kalbo. Ok, fine.

After kasi ni M, nagsimula na ako magpaganda ng sarili. In short, nagdalaga na si Maximo Oliveros. Natuto na ako manamit at marunong na rin makipag-usap sa mga bagong kakilala. Kay Y ko unang napagtibay ang oral skills ko. Hahaha!

Dakota Harrison ang lolo nyo. Akala ko dati wala ng tatalo pa sa kin (salamat kay ama dahil sa genes nya) pero wala ako ma-say kay Y. Minsan nga natatakot na lang ako pag may flag ceremony na. But wait, there’s more. Magaling sya sumerbisyo. Naging active ang sex life ko dahil sa kanya.

Pero hindi lang naman sex object ang tingin ko sa kanya. Nahulog ang loob ko sa kanya dahil sobrang maalaga sya. Minsan nga pakiramdam ko husband and wife kami. Ako ang tatay, sya ang nanay. Tapos legal kami sa bahay nila (syempre sa min hindi).

Bakit Naghiwalay:
Nagsimula syang manlamig nung ipakilala ko sya sa mga kaibigan ko. Hindi ko alam pero baka nagkaroon sya ng insecurities kasi hindi sya tapos ng high school (yes, pwede akong maireklamo sa Bantay Bata ng mga panahong yun). Hanggang sa tuluyan na kaming maghiwalay dahil nangengealam ang ex nya sa relasyon namin.

Grabe ang pagka-inlababo ko sa gagong to. Ilang buwan ko din syang iniyakan. Na-adik ako sa paglalasing sa Malate para makalimutan sya.

Huling Balita:
It took me 3 months to totally get over him. Pero ngayon hindi ko na talaga maintindihan kung bakit nagustuhan ko sya – aside sa malaki ang nota nya. Nakita ko sa FB ang current jowa nya. Jejemon. Jejemon sila pareho. Promise, wala ng bitterness.

Song that first comes to mind:
Hey, Soul Sister - Train

Pangalan : Nix a.k.a Huggabug

Edad : 26
Tirahan: : QC
Commonalities : pareho kaming Isko
Terms of Endearment: Boss

Story:

At dahil naaliw ako masyado sa Malate, aminado ako na naging kaladkarin ako. Kung sino-sino ang nakilala ko every weekend. Nakalimutan ko nga pangalan nila eh. Sa totoo lang, may mga pangalan sa phonebook ko na hindi ko na maalala kung sino talaga.

Hanggang makilala ko si Nix nung Black Party sa Malate. Hindi ko talaga sya type nung una. Kire kire lang talaga ako nun. Pero dahil pareho kami Isko, mas marami kami napag-usapan. Plus, sobrang sweet ng lolo nyo. Hinatid nya ako sa sakayan ng bus that night (este, morning na pala) nung pauwi na ako. The rest, nandito naman eh.

Bakit Naghiwalay:
Dahil dito. Tsaka dahil madalang kami magkita. Ngayon, na-realize ko na importante pala ang madalas na sex pagkikita sa kin. O diba, may silbi pala tong blog post na to.

Huling Balita:
Andito din. Pero I have not been entirely honest, or at least hindi ko nakwento lahat. Please see next lulurki below.

Song that first comes to mind:
Marry You – Bruno Mars

Pangalan : C a.k.a Ciao, Marco, Ciao!

Edad : 26

Tirahan: : QC

Commonalities : achiever, opinionated, makuda

Terms of Endearment : Ateng, Teh

Story:

Habang kami pa ni Nix (or something to that effect – hindi kasi klaro kung kami talaga) nung early December, nakilala ko si C sa isang bar sa may Manila Ocean Park. Isa syang med student. O diba, sino ang aayaw sa isang magiging doctor isang araw? In short, nasilaw ako. At na-arouse ng bongga. Wapak kasi ang lolo nyo. Nakakahiya nga sa abs nya eh. On that same night, nagka-chikinini ako. At malamang may impact ito kung bakit ako hiniwalayan ni Nix. Kwento ko na lang next time. Masyado na mahaba to.

Bakit Naghiwalay:
Hindi naging kami at hindi ever. Masyado kumplikado ang buhay nitong si C. Ayoko na dumagdag pa. Simula pa lang klaro na sa min na friends lang kami.

Huling Balita:
Wala naman. Same old, same old.

Song that first comes to mind:
Wala

*In case lang na hindi klaro, bading silang lahat. Hindi po ako pumapatol sa straight, thank you very much.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

It’s been more than a week since Nix and I had last seen each other. I dropped by his office after work last Tuesday night to give him a cup of hot chocolate from the ever-so-convenient 7/11 store along Makati Avenue. I was still wearing my stupid office uniform and didn’t bother to change. I sometimes bring clothes with me especially if I’m going to see him but that particular day at the office was particularly tiring and I just planned to go visit and be home afterwards.

A day after this, I felt really awkward from how he’s been a little bit too quiet. Actually, after getting his darned iPhone back from Globe (he had it fixed for a few days), he’s not been himself. I usually wake up and check my phone first thing in the morning for his text message that says he went home safely. He’s not that anymore. Then, Thursday came too soon and his complete disregard for my texts and calls gave me hints that this will be the day I’ve always dreaded to happen.

ME:    Is there something you want to tell me?

I didn’t receive an instant reply I had to wait for 5 hours and had to endure 2 ignored calls before he texted back.

NIX:   Let’s talk soon. Now is not a good time for me..

My face went numb for a bit. I didn’t expect him to treat me this way. He has always been sweet and understanding. It’s not in his nature to give me a cold shoulder. I drew up whatever courage that still remains from me and texted back.

ME:   Hope to help, pero cge.

Yep, I played the role of the dumb partner. But I knew from my broken heart that I won’t text back again. Or call. Or visit. Or listen to Marry You without feeling a bitter pang in my chest.



I’ve seen this scene before, five months ago to be exact. I was also at the bitter end of a breakup with someone else. Five months after, I know now the roles Nix and I play. I know the lines too well that I’d rather not hear it from him. I’d spare myself from more agony.

I know my forever could wait.

***

PS

I checked his profile page last night. Nagpalit na sya ng relationship status. For the four months we've known each other, parehong single ang status namin.  Ngayon, he's "in a relationship" na.

I nearly died habang pasakay ako ng van sa parking ng SM Makati. Bigla ko nakalimutan pano huminga. I grabbed my phone and composed a message.

ME:     I guess there's nothing to talk about anymore. I waited for a week for you to have time for me so we can talk. But it's okay. I'm glad you're happy now. You deserve to be happy.

I contemplated if I should send it or not for at least thirty minutes because I know that when he reads it, it will seal the doom of whatever we still have for each other.

But I still did. That's me, Master Masochist.


Photo from here.

Love and Math

May nabasa akong trivia na nagpa-tumbing sa kin:

According to a mathematical hypothesis, we should date at least 12 people before picking a lifetime partner. That gives the most excellent opportunity that you'll ultimately make a love match.

Bigla aketch napabilang. Naka-ilan na nga ba aketch?

Isa, tatlo, lima, siyam, dose? I lost count. Kung isasama ko pa lang ang nakilala ko sa Malate, baka naka-quota na ko.

Does that mean pwede na ko mag-asawa?

Pagod na ko magpalipat-lipat.

Nung una masaya. Feeling mo Rapunzel ka at super sing pa ng "Flow, gleam, and glow. Let the power shine. Make the clock reverse. Bring back what once was mine, what once was mine."

Pero habang kung sino-sino ang nakikilala, nauubos ang emotional investment ko. Lugi na ang business ketch.

Sana sya na nga.

Magpapakabait talaga ako para sa kanya :)