Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

It’s been more than a week since Nix and I had last seen each other. I dropped by his office after work last Tuesday night to give him a cup of hot chocolate from the ever-so-convenient 7/11 store along Makati Avenue. I was still wearing my stupid office uniform and didn’t bother to change. I sometimes bring clothes with me especially if I’m going to see him but that particular day at the office was particularly tiring and I just planned to go visit and be home afterwards.

A day after this, I felt really awkward from how he’s been a little bit too quiet. Actually, after getting his darned iPhone back from Globe (he had it fixed for a few days), he’s not been himself. I usually wake up and check my phone first thing in the morning for his text message that says he went home safely. He’s not that anymore. Then, Thursday came too soon and his complete disregard for my texts and calls gave me hints that this will be the day I’ve always dreaded to happen.

ME:    Is there something you want to tell me?

I didn’t receive an instant reply I had to wait for 5 hours and had to endure 2 ignored calls before he texted back.

NIX:   Let’s talk soon. Now is not a good time for me..

My face went numb for a bit. I didn’t expect him to treat me this way. He has always been sweet and understanding. It’s not in his nature to give me a cold shoulder. I drew up whatever courage that still remains from me and texted back.

ME:   Hope to help, pero cge.

Yep, I played the role of the dumb partner. But I knew from my broken heart that I won’t text back again. Or call. Or visit. Or listen to Marry You without feeling a bitter pang in my chest.



I’ve seen this scene before, five months ago to be exact. I was also at the bitter end of a breakup with someone else. Five months after, I know now the roles Nix and I play. I know the lines too well that I’d rather not hear it from him. I’d spare myself from more agony.

I know my forever could wait.

***

PS

I checked his profile page last night. Nagpalit na sya ng relationship status. For the four months we've known each other, parehong single ang status namin.  Ngayon, he's "in a relationship" na.

I nearly died habang pasakay ako ng van sa parking ng SM Makati. Bigla ko nakalimutan pano huminga. I grabbed my phone and composed a message.

ME:     I guess there's nothing to talk about anymore. I waited for a week for you to have time for me so we can talk. But it's okay. I'm glad you're happy now. You deserve to be happy.

I contemplated if I should send it or not for at least thirty minutes because I know that when he reads it, it will seal the doom of whatever we still have for each other.

But I still did. That's me, Master Masochist.


Photo from here.